by Sean Gaffney
Author's Notes: Maria-sama Ga Miteru: One step away from Urusei Yatsura. Really.
Kameko slowly walked into the Rose Mansion, unsure of what she would find.
When she'd first arrived at Lillian Academy this April, she didn't know much about the school beyond what the recruiters had told her. It was a girl's school where young girls were raised to become young women, safe in the loving arms of the Virgin Mary. Everyone walked around politely and never raised their voice.
She expected it to be a polite fiction. It took meeting Touko-sama to realize what an incredibly huge lie it was.
But the other Rosas, from what little she'd read and seen of them, seemed to be the exceptions. Rosa Foetida, the strong, capable leader. Rosa Chinensis, the public face and negotiator. And Rosa Gigantea, projecting an air of peace and contentment over the entire campus.
They were the perfect traditional Lillian students. What Touko was doing among them was beyond Kameko.
Touko had asked her to stop by the Rose Mansion today as there was a festival coming up, and as she had not yet chosen a petite soeur, they needed extra help. Kameko had agreed, though if she'd known the fuss it would cause she wouldn't have bothered. Every other first-year seemed to think this was an incredibly major event. But then they saw Touko as Rosa Chinensis En Bouton, rather than a giant pest, so it was only natural.
Touko was waiting at the top of the stairs, and smiled as Kameko came up. "Thank you for coming," she said.
Kameko just nodded. She'd found that if she spoke as little as possible, it made things go faster.
Touko looked nervous, possibly as there was the sound of an argument coming from behind the biscuit door. "Listen, everyone seems to be in a mood today. Just try and blend into the background and things should be fine. Can you do that?" She paused and looked Kameko up and down. "What am I saying? Anyway, come on."
As Touko turned, she rubbed the back of her neck. Kameko was intrigued. She'd never seen Touko this agitated.
As the door opened, the shouting grew louder. "Stop trying to tell me to be calm!"
"You do need to be calm, oneesama."
As Kameko came through the door, she was immediately confronted with the red, pouting, and angry face of Rosa Foetida, who was presently pounding her hands against the large table in the center.
"We have two weeks to go until the Maria Festival. We still don't have the entertainment -- it's not as if I can do magic tricks! And Touko-chan and Noriko-chan are still lazing around not -- ah, maybe we have something!" She turned, noticing the two of them in the doorway.
Kameko turned to Touko, whose face was pleasant and smiling. It was rather creepy. "No, you don't."
Yoshino marched around the table. "She's not your petite soeur?"
"I just asked her here to help with the festival. She agreed out of the goodness of her heart."
Suddenly Yoshino directed her attentions to Kameko. "I don't recognize her..."
Kameko was somewhat stunned by Rosa Foetida's sudden transformation into a raving monster. Luckily at this point Yoshino was rather brusquely shoved to one side and a much nicer face appeared.
"Are you Kameko-san? It's so wonderful to finally meet you! I'm Fukuzawa Yumi, and welcome to the Rose Mansion."
Yoshino was back, continuing to look Kameko up and down. "She seems scrawny. Can she lift? We don't want anyone passing out."
Yumi shoved Yoshino away with a bit more force, so that she actually stumbled into the side wall. "Don't mind Yoshino, it's been a rough couple of weeks. Sit, sit! Nana, can you bring our guest some tea?"
Another girl, who had rushed over to have a hushed argument with Yoshino, straightened up. "Of course, Rosa Chinensis. I'm sorry."
Yumi waved her hand. "Don't worry about it."
Touko was still standing next to Kameko, and tried to gain control of the situation. She leaned over. "You see, Rosa Foetida recently lost her own oneesama, and hasn't been handling it well."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
Touko straightened up. "I was only trying to help to make things--"
Yoshino hurled herself back across the room. "She's evil again, Yumi. I told her I'd accept her until she turned evil again."
Yumi turned away and glared at Yoshino. "Stop calling Touko-chan evil!"
"Did you hear what she said? I could see her hair spinning as the words came out."
Kameko swore she could hear Touko's teeth grind. She was beginning to be impressed at the young girl's ability to remain still and polite.
At this point, she heard a cough on her other side. She turned and saw Rosa Foetida En Bouton. "Tea?"
Kameko spoke for the first time. "Thank you."
Nana took her elbow and guided her gently over to the windows, where Kameko was startled to see Rosa Gigantea and Rosa Gigantea En Bouton had been sitting, content to watch chaos spin out around them.
"Good day," Rosa Gigantea nodded.
Kameko wondered if she should risk a question. She looked back over at the door, where Touko had apparently lost whatever veneer of calm she had and was now scowling openly, while Yoshino continued to berate, of all things, Touko's hair, and Yumi stood between them, looking like she did this sort of thing every day.
Kameko decided that even if she offended, the worst that could happen is she'd never be invited back here again. Win-Win. "May I ask a question?"
Rosa Gigantea smiled. "Go right ahead."
"Are you two normal?"
At this, Rosa Gigantea En Bouton laughed out loud. "Oh good, I like you."
Rosa Gigantea's smile never dimmed. "Of course we're not. No one is normal. And certainly not here."
Her petite soeur frowned. "Compared to Yoshino-sama, we're normal."
Rosa Gigantea was the one who laughed this time. "Now who's deluding herself?"
Suddenly a loud cry came from the others. "EEEEEEEENOUGH!"
It was Rosa Chinensis. Both of the other participants were startled enough by this to actually stop their argument.
Rosa Chinensis then took the opportunity to take Rosa Foetida by the hand and drag her back into the hall, slamming the door behind them.
Touko stared at the door for a few more seconds, then breathed out. She wandered over to sit next to Kameko, face still a little flushed.
Kameko's flush was just starting, though. "You tricked me."
"I didn't know what else to do. She's terrified two others, they still refuse to speak about it."
"That's irrelevant. You used my past against me." More words. Every time she was with Touko, her resolve to be the quiet one dissolved.
"You have to admit you're here. And drinking tea." Touko turned serious and took Kameko's hand. "Stay. Please. We really do need you."
Kameko was sobbing on the inside. She'd gotten away. Finally gotten away from the insanity of her previous school, going to an academy where girls walked slow and never had wrinkled skirts. And now she was being asked to go back to all that. The Rose Mansion was just like her old school - placid on the outside, but inside a seething cauldron of insanity. Her inner self screamed in outrage.
Outwardly, she just sighed. "All right. But only to help for the festival."
Who was she kidding? She was sure within a week they'd be having their first wacky misunderstanding.